INTRODUCTION

Name : Han

Not so young and not so old (2017)

Imma Queen

Waiting for her King

Wanted a happy ending

Not so innocent and not so bad

loves to sleep

loves to read

loves cat

Freaking loves cheese

Never underestimated me

Likes: All type of food

Hates: Pimples and scars

Hates: fake people, judgemental, busy body, haters

I LOVE YOU



F.A.Q.

Where are you from ?
Wonderland. Lived far far away and cannot be reached by a cellphone

Who do you think you are ?
A queen that is waiting for her king

What do you wish on your birthday ?
A huge mansion with a swimming pool, a lot of cash and you

You also known as ??
A girl that cannot do what she wanted to do. The one that is so stubborn. A girl that cannot sit still and keeps wondering around

Please be honest, Who are you ?
A girl that wanted to do something stupid and insane in her life

Hai guys
It's been a long time since im not posting anything here. Ive been stressing alot these days.
So, todays topic is dreamin. I was dreaming about him tho.
I think it was at the parking lot at lrt pandan indah. And I drove my car to go there. After that, I walk out of my car and waiting for someone. I think im picking up my mom from work.
BUT THEN ! I started to walking around to search something. I already saw a balloon on the side of the car but then I just ignored it and start walking again. After that, he showed up ! Him?! In my fucking dreamed?! I was like so shook and started to cry and hug him like I will never lost him  again. He make a birthday surprised for me with a balloon and a cake. Im crying over his shoulder cause he said that, "dont cry, come here, cry on mine and hug me tightly"
Maigosh ! It was the saddest and the happiest dream. Idk how to desc the feeling and I woke up so early today just because of that dreamed.
Yeah I know. I missed him alot ! Like seriously. I still cant move on and still wanted him to be mine.
I remembered his face tho. In my dreamed. He smiling like a child and I really missed that smile. I missed everything about him !
Oh I wish that dreamed would come true.
And after that, my mom showed up wearing baju kurung (so thats why I know im picking up my mom from work) and confused why am I hugging a guy. I startled just for a sec and then he said "  Hi, my name is ***, nice to meet you and salam my mother".
And that is it. Just another night dreaming that plays into my mind. 

I think I cant change him. Yelah, bukan senang nak ubahkan orang kan? And the most important thing is, he doesnt want to change so kenapa I nak sibuk try ubah dia? Just pray for him, may Allah help him.  Thats all I can do. I love him, I do. I taknak dia terus rosak like that. Ni bukannya benda kecil doh, ni dah kira like the worst of em all. You know, dah banyak I tahu pasal dia but still wanted him so bad. Why huh? He knows good and bad thing but he chose to be bad juga. He knows halal haram but he doesnt even care about it. Why? Kenapa keras sangat hati tu? Bukan susah pun, just go eat dekat kedai yang halal. Yeah I know you taksentuh pork but kedai cina juga yang nak kena makan tu dah apahal duhhhh. Seriously takfaham. And you takreply ws I? Fuhh, kena palau siaa. Nice one. You know what? Screw me. I still want to stay. I dont even fucking care if you nak berubah or not. K lantak you. Sebab one day mesti juga akan terbuka hati you untuk berubah so I dont want to judge you. I'll shut my mouth and you buat apa yang you suka and I will never leave you.

Oh my dead ass friend !!
I am so shook, like dammit ! I dont even know he was like that. Well, memanglah dosa sendiri sendiri but kalau takpuasa tu dah macam too much man. I just cant accept it. Yang terkejutnya, he just buying the popcorn with drinks and just walk like nothing is goin on? WOW !! And you know what he said? Dia sakit, demam thats why takboleh puasa. Eh dammit, aku yang pernah sakit sampai pening takboleh jalan pun still boleh puasa sampai habis. Takpernah tinggal unless I cant. Idk why I love someone like him. Like fuck !! Shit doh. I just dont know what to do. Takkan aku nak marah dia? Takkan nak bising dekat dia sebab aku yang ajak dia teman aku. Oh wow, I still cant believe it dohh. Gentle. Just too much. I literally crying because of him. Why? Because there's so much wrong doing that he does and still no one try to change him nor himself. Please berubah. Im not asking much babe. Pity of him, he can be good but he chose to be bad. So when does he wanna changed his life? Bila dah nak mati? Bila kubur dah panggil? My words may too harsh but I just cant accept it. Dia makan tepi aku weh, siap ice cream lagi. WHAT THE ?!! Oh god, please forgive him.
I thought that this will be the last time seeing him but when this shit came up, I think I wanna stay beside him. I wanna changed him. I dont wanna left him like that. Shit im crying for his sin. Ya Allah, please forgive him, all his sins.

Dear diary, today im humiliating myself. It's not that humiliating, just that, haihh. Nvrmind. Im logging out all of my social media and I wanted to be alone like srsly fucking alone and I don't want anyone to disturb me. NO ONE -,-
Why is it so hard to move on? Why cant I just stay out of this messed and turn the new pages? Instead of hanging around like a stupid ass weirdo that doesn't want to stop loving someone. He doesnt like you anymore. WHY? Why is it so hard han? Do you really loved to torture yourself like this? You know what? You're just pathetic.  You can't even move on. Just stay where you are and you're not gonna be tough. You'll just crying by yourself and no one will care about you. Youre not a kid anymore so WAKE UP !! If he doesnt like you back, so why do you have to stay and hoping that someday he will come back? That is just a fantasy for a kids, not for you. So please, you don't have to be like this. You're stronger than you thought you might be. Just keep yourself busy and then you'll eventually forget about him. (Wait up !) Even if I make myself busy, I still remember him and I still loved him. It's not thay easy to forget someone that you loved okay? It's not as simple as that. This is not tortured, this is the way im being myself. Its your faults anyway. Take that as a punishment for you. How many times do I have to be the "new" me? The one that doesn't even care about anyone nor myself. The one that have no feelings at all. The one that doesn't even bother what everyone would wanna say or think about me? Do you want me to be like that again? Ohh hell yeah. Its gonna be so hard to pull me back. Rn im still holding myself from being that bitch. So please, don't make me change.

Dear diary, I know it's hard for me to let him go and to move on. Seriously can't. Idk why. I need to see, hug him and tell that I still cared for him but I know it can't be true. How pathetic of you. He's not yours anymore so why do you have to care? This is what happened. When you cared to much, you'll only get hurt. That is why you shouldn't have done that on the first place. Look what you got into. Miserable fucking damn life. AGAIN ! Just leave him. No. Just move on. He's not remembering you and probably not missed you.
Probably gonna take a whole lot year. I still think that you can change sayang. I still do. You're just want to explore the life of a teenager. You're not hurting me. I'm the one that hurting myself. We will never be good enough for each other. Never do. We're all making a mistakes. The different between us is that I can't be whom ever I wanted to be and do what I wanna do and you're just being you. Need to bare in mind that I'm a girl and I can't be bad. I can't do shit and I can't make myself do the wrong things.

It's been a while guys. So well, Hello Earthlings ! I am back. Not the new me, still the OLD me. So yeah, the topic of today is about my "college".

Yesterday, I have to go back to school bcause we have to pay for our convo thingy and send our report our log book and so much more. That was hectic !
And I met my friends. Oh gosh ! I miss the so so so so much. Even we're whatsapping but still I miss them. Well, there's not much. Just that and today I have to go back there AGAIN bcause of my last year project. Like shit right? I wanna rest for god sake !

Okay. About my weirdo life, not much. Just the same. I still miss him eventhough I know that he's not missing me. Idk lah. Idk why I love him like so much. Idk. Padahal dulu waktu first met, I was like ohh he's gonna be my friend or like, wow dekatnya rumah and thats it. I don't even think that we can hook up. Yeah well, boys kan. Not all boys are good so I accept him. I think karma has hit me. Why? Because when I was 15, I told my boyfriend that I want to break w him cause I wanna focus on my study and guess what? Jadi dekat I. Woaaaahhhh. Serve you right han ! I still look for him, still walk infront of his house hoping that I can still see him, be beside him but haihh. I still love you, you know? But takkan I have to tell you every single day. Nanti you kata I gila/obsessed -,- well, I'm not like that. Just tht I can't move on yet. It will take a lot of year. Trust me. Please come back. I'll wait for you and I don't wanna lose you.

Hey guys. Sorry, I've been quiet busy with my life and things and idk. Hahaha. Well, my face looks quite good now since I'm using himalaya. Kk, do you see the title of this short story? It's called life.
Well, as you all know, I think not. Haha. I'm a mess, like always when I'm broken. That night, I saw him. I can't hold it anymore. I missed him so damn much that's why. I still love him. I do but I know he doesn't love me anymore. So bila you nak move on haaaa? Dia pun dah gerak dah.
Kk next. Nak habis practical dah you guys !! Oh gosh. Another 5 days like fucking 5 days then I'm done with all of the work ! Serious shit, I am so happy. Thank god. Hahahahaha. Okay okay. Last thursday I guess, one of my not-so-called a crush. Not crush to be exact. He's cute and I like to make a joke with him. I was so busy key in data and all that stuff so I can't talk and see him. Awwww, sedih. Bila nak tengok power rangers ha? Dah tu je act. Takde benda. Kbye

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